Pregnancy and Loss Awareness (Ramblings)

I was asked to give my opinion on how to deal with loss, and what was some of the worst things I had to go through. So here we go:

The best way for me to describe loss is, like imagining losing a parent, a care giver, best friend, or someone you are closest to.

How would you handle that situation, what would you say or not say?

Pregnancy loss is death, of part of your own body. Would you challenge someone with one leg to a marathon, then laugh and point because they are different than you, NO. So why act like you know what is going on, and make dumb comments? -OR- Think of it as a goal in life, that you have dreamed of since you were a child, to have it come crashing down around your feet in little bitty pieces. There is no way to gather all those pieces and put them back together again.....What does that do to your self-esteem, or self-worth? It takes a long time to build self-esteem/worth in yourself again....so skip the old proverbial "get back up on the horse and try again"


Stupid things I have heard:


When are you two ever going to have kids?


It was probably for the best, what do you think God was trying to tell you?(My thoughts: If God didn't want me to have kids, why did he put such a desire in my heart.)

You have children already, be thankful, and count your blessings..this child could and probably had something wrong with it, or you have more than you will ever be able to take care of.

Get over it and get your feelings off your shirt sleeve, you weren't pregnant that long.

It's done and over, no harm done. Just move on and try again.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be for you to have children.

This is something I have never confessed before..

...but my biggest worry was: I am a woman, married to a man who has the right to have children. I was scared out of my mind that if I had something wrong with me that he would leave me.

I even convinced myself that if I couldn't give him children I deserved to be abandoned, that he could have children with someone else...someone else could grant him that dream....and I would be left alone. There are no right words to say.

What meant the most to me....

Receiving a card, that said "I am sorry for your loss."

Having someone there to allow me to mourn. Not being the only one who remembers.....You never forget.

My biggest suggestion is to find a support group in your local area...and attend.

Your baby was real. You may have never held it in our arms...but you held it in your heart.

In Rememberance of:

Christopher Alexander Lee

Earned wings: May 17 @ 6 weeks
Estimated Due Date: Jan 17, 1992

Jessica Amanda Leeann

Earned wings: March 5 @ 8 weeks
Estimated Due Date: October 1, 1995

Emily Faith

Earned wings: December 3 @ 7 weeks

Estimated Due Date: July 8, 1996

Myranda Hope

(Jadan & Jordan's Triplet)

Earned wings: July 5 @ 7 weeks

Estimated Due Date: February 9, 2002